ATOMIC ELVIS

Elvis photo Sept 9 ATOMIC ELVIS

TITLEZ ATOMIC ELVIS

HOW MANY TIMES did we read that? – the same line, again and again, printed on tabloids and online blogs. We all love this kind of bullshit, don’t we? It’s part of today’s mythology, after all. We want to believe that Elvis is alive because rock stars have replaced old gods. The word “cult” is applied more to pop than religion. People worship Elvis as an immortal hero, a Jesus of Rock & Roll. People worship his guitars, smelly boots and tacky jewelry, too: a wealthy collector of Elvis memorabilia recently forked out 60,000 dollars to buy his American Express Card. Graceland’s fetish, no less!

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But here we come with the good news!

Brandpowder – like all of you – loves Elvis to bits. So, about two years ago, we decided it was time to do something special for him. Something to bring Elvis to life. no less! Our Team, since then, worked along with I.A.M.S., the Institute of Atomic and Molecular Science in Tokyo. Thanks to his founder, To-Nin-Zu, and his brilliant pool of experts, we developed a new technology called APR, which stands for ‘Atomic Parallel Recognition’. We are going to explain, in a few words, how the system works and why Brandpowder may run for the next Nobel Prize.

THE ORIGINS: The idea of the project came from a simple question: What happens when we die?  We all know 70% of our body is made of water. So, it just evaporates, and the rest turns to ashes. But where do all our atoms go? They can’t just disappear. Our body is made out of a staggering 7,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 atoms: oxygen, carbon and hydrogen, primarily. And since atoms are indestructible, we can safely affirm our remains, after we die, keep living in other forms. They hang around the Universe, so to speak.

THE TECHNOLOGY: APR is a digital tracking system.  Its aim is to look for atoms that respond to a predetermined pattern. Think of it as a dog who learn to find truffles after smelling one, first. APR can find atoms of a certain person after you upload the machine with the atomic sample belonging to that person. Since each of us has a unique atomic vibration, a sort of thumbprint, the machine will find only those matching its initial sample. Its accuracy is up to 99.999987%.

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Above: Piperita Sandex, software developer for Brandpwoder and dog trainer in her free time. “Think of APR as a dog who learns to find truffles after you made him taste one,” she says.

Below: APR’s design was reduced to its essential components so that each element could operate smoothly, “out of the box”. It won’t be the best example of sleek design – we admit – but our APR does the job.

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After completion of APR, we flew to Memphis to find an original piece of Elvis. For 650 US dollars we bought a pair of black socks that belonged to the King of Rock & Roll. These socks came with a Certificate of Authenticity, and a receipt dated 25.07.1962. A bargain!

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When we scanned Elvis’ socks, we found millions of his atoms. “It’s amazing to see how much stuff people leave behind when they die,”- To Nin Zu told us.

Below: the 3D living model of Elvis’ atomic thumbprint. When you have undeniable evidence that atoms are such a vibrant micro-universe, you start to look at reincarnation and eternity with new eyes.

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Above: the synoptic table of Elvis’s atomic thumbprint, processed by APR. A single atom of carbon holds enough data to precisely match its equivalent. APR guarantees laser focus, sharp analysis.

“Its technology is so advanced to make DNA profiling look like Stone Age,” Monika Sukcox commented, while testing the powerful APR interface on her iPhone (below).

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Above: It’s empty, apparently. But every bag contains at least 1 million of Elvis’ atoms. You can order your bag of Atomic Elvis for just 9,99 U$. Contact us at: posmaster@brandpowder.com. The merchandise will cover research costs and 10% of the revenues will be given to charity.

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Above: Zuby von Kastormeyer, head of technology at Brandpowder. Her computing skills proved to be invaluable in the development of the APR software. Zuby can talk about her Porsche or quantum physics with the same passion. She is an Elvis fan since she was a toddler. “Had I lived in Elvis’ times, sure enough I was going to be a groupie!”.

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Above: (left to right) Momi Twisthook, chief developer, and Carlo Muttoni, Brandpowder’s President, celebrate the success of the APR project with To Nin Zu, head of I.A.M.S., in Tokyo. Atomic Elvis has been an incredible endeavor for all of us. Brandpowder wishes to thank Joseph Kilmore, Catherine Pollack, Zuma Romao, Li Yan Doh, prof. Changor T. Kamianevic, Pippi Sandex, Lou “Spongy” Graff and Monika Sukcox for their effort, hard work and dedication. Last but not least, very special thanks to Elvis for still being with us!

The Brandpowder Team

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A TRIBUTE TO ELVIS:

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Elvis had a unique human touch with his public and fans, as you see in these two live recordings. Everybody loved Elvis. None of today’s stars may aspire to have…an atom of his style.

Elvis we missed you. Until APR found you. XXX

Note from the Editor: Please do not confound “Atomic Elvis” with the plant bearing the same name.

Disclaimer: this post was made as a tribute to Elvis and, as any other Brandpowder production, the project has to be seen as an experiment in communication and not as a commercial attempt to gain any material advantage leveraging on the popularity of the rock star. // Minamahal Kita. Maari ko bang hingin ang kamay mo para sa sayaw na ito? Magandang araw sa’yo. Nasaan ang kasilyas? Hayaan mo ko mapag-isa!

Jimmy L. Madagang – Brandpowder legal representative in Manila © 2011-2016

 

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3 comments

  1. Dear President,
    I read your article and I confess I’m excited by the idea of getting Atomic Elvis.
    Questions:
    – is Atomic Elvis edible?
    – if yes, could Atomic Elvis have an influence on my voice?
    – does Atomic Elvis attract women simply putting it on the dashboard of my car (windows open, of course)?
    Please reply soon, I look forward to owning one – or maybe more than one – Atomic Elvis!!

    • Dear Elvis’ fan from Bergamo Alta,

      Atomic Elvis doesn’t guarantee superpowers. But a few atoms will be enough to inspire you for greatness. You’ll hit the stage. We are not sure whether Atomic Elvis attracts women because that depends from the car you drive. If you have a white Rolls Royce, a yellow Porsche, a red Bugatti or a grey Lexus, you’ll be ok. Girls will swarm around like honeybees and, at that point, may Elvis be with you.

      Thanks for writing us.

      The Brandpowder Team

    • Dear Elvis fan from Bergamo Alta,

      Atomic Elvis doesn’t guarantee superpowers. But a few atoms will be enough to inspire you for greatness. You’ll hit the stage. We are not sure whether Atomic Elvis attracts women because that depends from the car you drive. If you have a white Rolls Royce, a yellow Porsche, a red Bugatti or a grey Lexus, you’ll be ok. Girls will swarm around like honeybees and, at that point, may Elvis be with you.

      Thanks for writing us.

      The Brandpowder Team

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