CALL THE ALIENS WITH YOUR IPHONE.

cover alienated CALL THE ALIENS WITH YOUR IPHONE.

CRAZY! It’s something crazy but, yeah, finally you’ll be able to call the aliens from your iPhone! If you think it’s a joke, it’s not. Brandpowder recently announced ALIENATED ©, a revolutionary app developed with the assistance of Nasa and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) of Boston. ALIENATED © turns your iPhone into your own Cosmic Antenna.

The technology behind it involves the interecption of cosmic particles and…play dough! Yes, the Play-Doh or Pongo you played with as a child. You might like to know that play dough is just made of flour, water, salt, boric acid, mineral oil and cream of tartar, has excellent conductivity and happens to be the cheapest alternative to ICP, an expensive conductive polymer which only the aerospace industry can afford. But let’s skip the boring stuff. Brandpowder just wants to show you how to build your own intergalactic transponder for less than 10 dollars!

Read the following instructions. And get ready for interstellar free calls.

IAR brandpowder1pongo CALL THE ALIENS WITH YOUR IPHONE.

First thing: buy a pack of 10-color play dough, unwrap it and expose it to the starry sky for one night. The paste will charge itself like a battery. Play dough, in fact, works like a plastic thermionic, a ceramic-based material also used by Space Shuttle to absorb the radiation coming from cosmic particles.

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Step two: gently roll the play dough under your fingers until you obtain a 25-inch string.

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Step three: repeat the same procedure for every color. All strings must be the same length in order to work properly.

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Step four: Bend each string into a coil. Then place them all into a clean plastic tray and expose them for another night. The dough will absorb extra subatomic energy from the sky.

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Step five: Unroll the exposed coils and, starting with the White and Pink, weave the strings together as shown above.

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Step six: repeat the same process. Couple the Red with the Yellow, then Orange with Green, Blue with Brown and Black with Beige. Please note: alternative combinations may compromize the full power of your transponder.

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Detail: here’s how your double strings should look like, when properly coupled and weaved.

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Step seven: weave the Red/Yellow with the Blue/Brown, and the White/Pink with the Green/Orange strings. Be careful not to invert the polarities because your play dough, by now, is already charged with cosmic particles.

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Step eight: place the Black/Beige double string around the previously woven cables. Make sure each string is in one piece because you don’t want broken chains to interrupt the flow.

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Above: here’s how your hank should look like, at the end. But we are not finished yet!

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Step nine: gently sqeeze the hank into a lump. If you need to interrupt your work, remember to cover the dough with a damp cloth to preserve the right humidity.

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Step ten: gradually push and press the dough with your fingers to obtain an elongated, compact lump.

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Step ten/bis:: in the making, do not be distracted by the possibility of creating a colorful dildo. Play dough is not suitable for sex toys.

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Step eleven: twist the dough into a spyral. Be careful not to crackle the paste. You want a solid, smooth surface.

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Step twelwe: you might think this is a weird add on, but gin really helps people to get more sociable. If you pour a spoon of Gordon’s Gin to your dough and work it out until it’s completely absorbed, your transponder will work a lot better.

IAR brandpowder11stronzoid CALL THE ALIENS WITH YOUR IPHONE.

Step thirteen: shape the play dough like a triple boulder so that – by breaking the colors – you generate more potential difference for your electric field. Then shape it again and roll it into a sphere.

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Above: a chromatic map showing how fields of conductive materials, magma pulp, chromium and gumma layers interact with AF and its plastic feroids, creating the so called Ozone Sandwich, the “chemical brick” which triggers interstellar radio waves. USWC (ultra-short wave catcher) acts as a balancer. The amorphous tar is a reaction’s by product. Blotter works as an insulator.

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Step fourteen: connect your iPhone to the dough through an Apple 30-pin plug. Please, note: You need to get a double 30-pin plug. One goes into your iPhone, the other into the play dough. IMPORTANT: your iPhone must be switched off while you operate the connection.

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Step fifteen: everything is now ready for your first intergalactic call. Switch on your iPhone and download the free ALIENATED © app from the Apple store. It will take a couple of minutes. When the software asks you to accept the terms and conditions for outer space communication, press the green button.

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Ready! Use ALIENATED © to connect to other worlds and chat with distant civilizations for free. If you have troubles while connecting your iPhone with the play dough transponder, or you hear a popping sound with background static noise during conversations, please visit the Apple website and ask for assistance. Thank you and have fun!

The Brandpowder Team

NOTE: for your convenience, we publish here a useful map of the Milky Way designed by Samuel Arbesman. It’s simple and brilliant. Have a safe journey!

Schermata 2015 08 31 a 11.02.27 CALL THE ALIENS WITH YOUR IPHONE.

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5 comments

  1. carlo thanks. I finallly understood why mine didn’t Work. I did it with DAS After few mins I was alienated by how hard was the connection.

    • Oh, yes, Mr. R

      we forgot to specify that Das is not suitable for alien connections. But you can use it to create small asteroids you can launch up in the sky with a slingshot.

      Thanks for your comment.

      The Brandpowder Team

  2. You mean the app that only exists in your twisted minds? (I searched the app store)

    And my iPhone has a lightning connector so how would I use it?

    Fucking lunatics.

    • Hello, Coolied!

      Thank you for your comment. If you didn’t find it in the App Store is because all available apps went sold out in five hours. We’ll keep you updated, if you like so, and tell you where else you can download Alienated. Thank you for your patience.

      The Brandpowder Team

  3. We publish here a letter we received from one of our readers who wants to remain anonymous:

    What a scam, I ordered a whole load of play dough for all my friends and family, spending my whole months wages as I was so excited and was looking forward to fun sharing together with everyone our intergalactic hook up. Well it turnbled into a complete pile of hank and there was fighting and screaming and tears and people walking out of my home in the complete huff. I couldn’t figure it out. I had agreed to read out the instructions so that we could all do this together. It wasn’t till afterwards I read them again and realized I had skipped step 13. What a fool. I now have to patch things up with the family and hope they will come back to live with me again and not send divorce papers. My friends said it was so unlucky to lose my job but they will stand by me, yet I haven’t seen any of them yet and my cat has disappeared in search of food. Dont worry though, I trust you, so my last pay check I will do all over again and this time I will read all the instructions! Adios my martian best friend

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