THE TOUGHEST PRISON IN THE WORLD
Tankarat is considered the toughest prison in the world. The facility is housed into a mansion on Schodack Island, 150 miles north of New York City. It all started when Robert Brown, a former US Chief of Security, contacted the Brandpowder Team. Brown had inherited this property from an uncle he didn’t even know to have. But the 35,000 square ft mansion, a masterpiece of European elegance, was too expensive to maintain and unsuitable to his austere lifestyle. “A Navy SEAL will never sleep inside a palace,” he told us. “That’s why I called Brandpowder. I wanted you guys to find a better use of it.”
We proposed Mr. Brown to create a new kind of prison, based on luxury and indulgence. Robert Brown looked at us as if regretted the moment he called but we were dead serious. We told him Life, not Jail, should be a Prison, and we discussed the plan in detail: criminals should experience a fantastic life inside Tankarat so that, once out of jail, real life will be much harder and freedom a nightmare. By reversing the paradigm of punishment, we argued, there was a possibility to educate bad people to do something good. Brown smiled. The idea to create a place which will make five star hotels look like a rathole sounded crazy but exciting. Our business model was bulletproof too: Tankarat would finance its high level of service with the very same money confiscated from the criminals.
Robert Brown (above) a former Navy SEAL and medal of honor. “I’ve always been tough with people who break the rules of this Country.”
On arrival (above) every guest is given a pair of solid gold cuff links with the Tanakart monogram. Just a welcome gift to make them feel at home.
Above: The Prison Guard is composed by former top models with a top degree in Martial Arts and Combat technique. They can be very nice to prisoners as long as they behave like gentlemen.
The standard cell, at Tankarat: a spacious suite with private phone, cable tv, wifi, spa, a private wine cellar and, of course, a breathtaking view over Schodack Island’s Park.
Above: The Lounge where the guest-prisoners meet before lunch. On winter nights the fire is cracking and popping and the Cocktail Bar offers one of the best collections of cognac and whisky in America.
Above and Below: the Tankarat Menu proposes 99 desserts, all inspired by the irony of Outlaw’s Life (click to enlarge).
Above and Below: the morning coffee is served in every room at 10 am. After that, a Breakfast Grand Buffet is open until noon in the Main Lobby, along with newspapers and tablets to keep Tankarat’s guests in touch with the outer world.
Below: the famous Pear Tart, a puff paste pie dipped in blueberry jam and decorated by a cloud of fresh cream.
Above and Below: two Gourmet dishes from the Tankarat Brunch Menu: the Al Capone Truffle Tartare and the Guzman Avocado Giant Shrimp marinated in vodka. The guest are kindly invited to finish what’s on their plate. If they don’t, they are refused their share of Champagne for an entire week. No mercy!
Above: every table is set in China’s fine porcelain, British silverware and Murano glasses. Robert Brown asked us to pick only the best from all over the world. Below: the Eastwood Cheese Cellar, an after dinner treat to be enjoyed with the finest French wines.
Below: the Saint Basil’s Cathedral Cake, celebrating a Russian oligarch’s 5-months term at Tankarat.
Below: the famous Macaroni Ring Box with the Tankarat motto. A much appreciated present to all visitors.
Below: the Sweet Evasion Jam Collection. All fruits are homegrown and hand-picked by Tankarat personnel. Prisoners are not allowed to do any form of hard work.
Below: The precious LIFEISAPRISON titanium watch, produced by a renowned maitre horloger. It’s part of the compulsory attire of every guest at Tankarat.
Below: Champagne, here, runs like tap water. Bathing in a millésime is allowed only on Sundays, though.
Very expensive wines are opened every afternoon, during the Truffle Popcorn Movie Break, in order to educate not only the behavior but also the palate of every guest at Tankarat.
Below: Sylvanie Roquefeuil-Blanquefort, Tankarat’s Grande Chef, is writing down the Daily Menu. The Food and Wine List is constantly changed to avoid boring repetitions and to improve the guests’ personal diet.
The Last Meal is, for everybody, the saddest day. A guest is allowed a last wish before leaving Tankarat. The prison’s strict policy is never to accept the same guest twice. Once out, they know that if they break the law, a totally different prison is waiting for them. Thanks God, the percentage of repeated crimes among Tankarat’s guests is the lowest in America.
Above and Below: the Tankarat Tailor Book. Our guests may choose their own look, as long as within the Prison’s Style Code which is inspired by the checked tweed fabrics, reminding a sun behind bars.
Above: if a Judge wants to interrogate some of our guests, we make sure they travel in comfort. Below: Stephanie Lopez Herrera, responsible for On Board Safety. She is always ready to serve all of guest’s needs but, as a former Marine officer, she can be tough with those who play smart. Stephanie has a collection of love letters from Tankarat’s guests.
Above: Tankarat’s regulations prescribes three months of isolation in a 150-ft Yacht for anyone showing the slightest signs of aggressive behavior. The ship has no videogames and no communication with the ground, and patrolled 24/7 by a motorboat.
Above: hacker Franz C. Spring was indicted for breaking into the Pentagon’s secret files. He spent two years at Tankarat. He’s currently working as a code writer in Silicon Valley. Below: Steve Buffett, also known as Tuxedo Boy, was a big shot in the Florida’s drug cartel. He was sentenced to three months in Tankarat: the more serious the crime, the shorter the term at Tankarat. The facility, as for a special agreement with the U.S. Department of Justice, is entirely financed with the money and properties confiscated to criminals. Tankarat’s business model, this way, doesn’t weigh on taxpayers and it’s now considered a worldwide point of reference. And a best practice in human treatment.
The Brandpowder’s project has been labeled as a ridiculous experiment by many people and we accept their point of view. Nevertheless, we would like to invite our detractors to take a look at the 25 worst prisons in the world. Robert Brown, and Brandpowder along with him, are strongly against the inhumane treatment of prisoners and Tankarat could be more than a silly alternative to real pain and suffering. Not all the people who are imprisoned are guilty and, in any case, the real crime is to forget what a human being is all about.
Other links to brutal and inhumane prisons:
(please note: some images may be disturbing and suitable only to an adult target. Some of these links may have been closed by local Governments. We don’t publish links to websites which, by exploiting the human suffering, make money through sponsors).
Join the discussion and tell us your opinion.
This place does not exist. Try googling it. Clever hoax though.
Dear Jackson, Life is a hoax 🙂
Thank you for your clever remark.
The Brandpowder Team